Bought my first pair of men’s pants today

     It has been my plan ever since I started wearing men’s (boy’s) shirts, that I would one day buy men’s pants.  Each time I pulled on a pair of suffocatingly tight women’s jeans, or looked in the mirror at how the jeans hugged my curves, I thought about getting men’s pants.  But I didn’t.  Mostly because I was scared.  If I wore men’s pants would it change how people looked at me?  After I came out to my church friends, and got my hair trimmed short again, I realized that at this point wearing differently gendered pants was not going to matter.

     One issue down, next?  How did men size their pants?  A quick internet search provided me with the information.  Waist length by Inseam Length.  Okay…then I needed a measuring tape (and the only one I could find was pink…just tell me why “girly” things have to be pink?).  Measurements roughly taken.  Next to the store!

     Nope.  I waited and waited.  It wasn't until my roommate had to go to Old Navy before I finally made the decision to purchase the pants.  I think a store like Old Navy is great for the baby butch who doesn’t want to break the bank.  The jeans are moderately priced and usually the workers don’t care enough to bother you.  Plus I could easily slip in and out of the fitting room without being harassed by an attendant. 

     Though it was nerve wracking, I selected a few pairs of jeans of different measurements around the ones I took with my measuring tape.  I tried the different sizes on until found the measurements that worked best for me.  Then all I had to do was find the pants that I liked.  In the end I selected a pair of dark jeans, lighter jeans, and gray cargo pants I found on clearance. 

      So even though my heart pounded and I was wary of looks, I found that as long as I just went about my tasks no one bothered me.  And the day ended with success.

QBP: "Clothes make the man.  Naked people have little or no influence on society." -Mark Twain

Lesbian Terminology: The Masculine of Center Edition*

Andro- Stands for Androgynous.  They are men or women who choose to embrace both masculine and feminine characteristics and styles, such that they are at the center of the male/female spectrum. 

Tomboy- As a kid, they’re the girls who enjoy playing with the boys, rejecting typical girly tropes.  As a teenager or adult they are the straight or gay women who still love sports, baseball caps and hanging with the guys. 

Boi- Typically a trendy and dapper lesbian in her late teens, early twenties who likes to dress like a teenage guy.  Check out boimeetsplay.com. 

Soft Butch- Also known as a “Chapstick Lesbian”.  Think Ellen.  Soft Butches are lesbians who dress more masculine than tomboys, and act more masculine.  They are the in between, between Andro and Butch. 

 

Butch- Lesbians who embrace their masculinity.  They may act more like men and dress like men.  They also may take the dominant role in relationships.  Though as with most of these terms, the most important factor is that they self-identify as Butch.  

Stone Butch- A Butch who follows the adage, “to give is better than to receive” when it comes to sex.  They’d rather take care of their partner’s needs and are satisfied with that.

Stud- These are butches that have a lot of concern for appearances and "looking good". They sometimes take on the look and mannerisms of a "gangsta" or "thug". Usually younger, masculine behaviors usually similar to that of a teenage or early 20's guy.

AG- Aggressive Girl.  AGs are part of a subculture in cities.  Typically women of color in their twenties, they are tough, gangsta homosexual women.

Genderqueer- Dressing or acting in a manner that is not typically seen as mainstream or what society deems as “traditional” or “normal”.

FTM- Female to Male.  A female that is in the process of transitioning to be a man.  Involves hormones (testosterone), and sexual reassignment surgery. Often, breasts are removed, hysterectomies are performed, and name changes are done. These people live as men.

*Disclaimer* - Other interpretations may apply.

QBP: "I am a rare species, not a stereotype."-Ivan E. Coyote (check the vid below)

Masculine Mannerisms

(A couple notes before I begin.  First, this is strictly about mannerisms.  I may cover actions, habits, and vocal patterns at a later date.  Second, I’m an advocate of everyone just being themselves no matter their mannerisms.  This isn’t a how to guide, but simply observations I’ve had as well as others.  Thirdly, not every man has these mannerisms, just a slight majority.)

     This all started with beer.  Or actually it started with me looking at how this guy held his beer.  He probably didn’t even realize, but how he held his beer told everyone in the bar: I am masculine.  Curious, I decided to investigate masculine mannerisms.  Some of these are obvious and others less so.   

  

Sitting:

     As a general rule, men like to take up space.  In chairs they tend to slouch more, and spread out with their legs and arms.  They keep their legs apart, and employ the ankle resting on the leg method of crossing their legs.       

Additionally I’ve commonly noticed men slouch down in their chair and then stick their feet straight out crossing their feet at the ankle.    

     General observation for mimicry: Arrange yourself as though you had no bones in your body. Drape yourself over the couch or chair or against the wall like you are all floppy, and don't worry about personal space.

Walking:

      When women walk they do this one-foot-after-the-other-in-a-line walk (think balance beam).  Men on the other hand walk with their feet apart and side by side (following two parallel lines) and surprise surprise they don’t sway/switch their hips.  Additionally a guy's heel is the first thing to touch the ground, and his toes generally stay up longer than a woman's.  (Women, used to heels, will touch down first with the ball of their foot.)   They walk heavy, with purpose, confidence.  Some might refer to a masculine swagger, but I have yet to figure out a swagger which doesn’t make me look like an spaz or like a cocky something or other.  

   

Standing:

     Unlike women who may put more weight on one leg, men will stand with equal weight distribution on both feet.  When a guy feels threatened, he'll get "bigger" to try and scare the threat, as opposed to women who generally get smaller as to not be noticed.  Lean.  Lean against walls, door frames, vehicles (make sure they’re not moving when you do this).

Hands:

     Women tend to emphasize their points with their hands, men tend not to.  Men keep their hands down and low.  They stick their hands in their pockets, but to do that you need pockets you can actually fit your hands into…stupid girl jeans.  In an interview with Felicity Huffman when she was playing in Transamerica, she said she moved her hands like she was underwater, which made them seem bigger and more mannish.  Avoid hands at hips at all times, unless you are David Caruso…who you are not.

     Men aren’t as careful when they hold things, so many men (and a few women I’ve noticed) hold their beer bottles by the neck with a few fingers, when they’re taking sips.  For larger gulps, they hold their bottles in a typical position at the label.     

Face:

     Smirking, it’s not just for lesbians!  When guys smile their grin is a bit asymmetrical, sort of almost lopsided.  Men tend to be more cheeky with their smiling than women, and typically don’t react as “large” as women do.  They want to seem unfazed and in control of everything happening around them.

     They’ll crane their head up in response of a threat or acknowledgment and use more non-verbal communication than women.  Men clench their jaws when doing manly things. 

     Guys look confident.  They don't look apologetic, hesitant or shy. Even reserved guys tend to have an air of self assurance.

     They aren't too emotionally expressive most of the time, but when they are, they wave their hands and arms around a lot (dynamically, not girlishly. They don't keep their hands close to their body---men fling them out.) They don't try to be contained or quiet about it---upset/excited guys get very demonstrative.

Additional:  

         We could get into the cruder aspects, like “package” adjustment, or scratching, but oh hey I just did! 

    

 The Summary:

     Take up space.  Be less expressive.

QBP: "When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking." -Elayne Boosler

I observed a lot of these mannerisms and got the rest from this site.

Working with your hands *No homo*

  First let me explain the title of this post.  Here in America there was a trend in which rappers would talk/sing/rap about sexual acts of a distinctly homosexual nature.  However, they thought to erase this (I don’t know, perceived homosexual vibe) by adding "No homo". 
     One, it’s incredibly insulting and two, it doesn’t work.  Sorry rappers whatever you said definitely still sounds gay.  Maybe even more so, now that you’ve added a disclaimer.

     This past week I was asked to help my lesbian friends, SL and W (when I asked them what they wanted their pseudonyms to be, they said, "Snow Leopard" and "Wolf"...Apparently I have odd friends).  They were planning on creating a patio in their backyard, or in other words a large concrete slab.
     I helped where ever I could, including moving wheelbarrows of concrete back and forth, from the cement truck to the backyard.  Let me tell you, concrete is heavy.  It was hard work, but I enjoyed it.  As a grad student in the sciences, I do a lot of mental work.  I like being able to use my mind, but I’ve always loved using my hands too (No homo).
     During the pouring of the patio, I encountered something I imagine is frustrating to many butch women: the discrepancy between male and female strength.  Now I'm talking purely physical strength here.  I simply cannot lift as much as a muscled male.  So even though I tried hard, many tasks went to the males.  Nothing quite takes the wind out of your sails more than being unable to help due to an innate biological difference.
     But I helped, and I can at least take comfort in that.

QBP: "money money money get a dollar & a dick
weezy baby that crack mothafucka get a fix
got money out the ass no homo" -Lil' Wayne

“Anything for you sir?”

     I have arrived.  Earlier this week I went out to a comedy club with my roommate and few friends (sorry, non-lesbian A was not there).  I was dressed in a tight black boy t-shirt and my favorite jacket.  The waitress comes over and asks for my friends’ drink orders and then turns to me.  “Anything for you sir?”  This is the first time anyone has called me sir.  I guessed I must have been slightly freaked, because my roommate, who was the only one who heard this exchange, said my voice went up an octave when I replied back to the waitress.  

     Don’t get me wrong.  I was excited to be called sir.  Two years ago when I cut my hair short because I was basically going on a long camping trip, I got offended when I was mistaken for a man (which was only once and it was a lady of an elderly status).  But now that my choice to look this way is deliberate, it’s nice to know someone notices. 

      It makes me feel good, though a bit wary.  One of the comedians was a lesbian, and when she mentioned it I wanted to shout out, to support her.  But I didn’t.  Some of the friends I was with didn’t know I’m gay.  Because I feel I can dress like a fem and support lesbians (as a generic liberal) or I can dress the part and then stay quiet in instances like these.   To dress both how I do and be vocal about LGBT things would just confirm everyone’s suspicions (in the logic that exists in my head). 

     Still I couldn’t help but love one comedian’s take on DADT.  One soldier friend of his confessed he doesn’t want gays in the military because they might look at his butt in the showers.  The comic made the point, if you can’t defend your butt, maybe you shouldn’t be defending the country!  But he said it all funny like…like you know comedians do.  All in all, a good night.

QBP: "Him, who incessantly laughs in the street, you may commonly hear grumbling in his closet. " -Johann Kaspar Lavater

Soft butch

     Ever since I can remember and photos proving from even before I can remember I have been a tomboy (I shunned the color pink and dresses from the age of three).  Many girls are tomboys, but the difference between so many and myself is the fact that I didn’t outgrow my tomboy phase.  In fact if you looked at my room currently you’d think it belonged to a twelve year old boy.  A punching bag, pull up bar, non-descript couch, bed with blue sheets, video game posters, and plastic furniture make not for the room of a 20-something year old girl.

     Other examples of my not-girlyness include how I treat people and act.  I always hold doors for people, even men.  I jump to help others out particularly if there is heavy lifting involved.  When I helped my current roommate move out of her old apartment, I carried the heavier boxes out and when she called me a “beast” my chest swelled with pride.  I much rather take care of others than be taken care of and my natural tendency towards silence gives me that mysterious quiet thing some males have.  When I sit I hate crossing my leg over another preferring to the male resting an ankle of one leg on the thigh of the other.  I also generally slouch and take up space when I sit. 

     I’d much rather be viewed as masculine than feminine, and not because I see femininity as inferior.  In fact I am envious of those women who wield their femininity with such grace, skill and expertise.  On occasion I have tried to be feminine, but even if I looked the part I never felt it.  I always have felt powerless in dresses, which is why I own only two and zero skirts and one pair of feminine flats.  I own only about four pairs of shoes: running shoes, dress flats, a set of sandals, and a pair of everyday sneakers.

     But all in all as my lovely roommate has pointed out, I dress a lot more feminine than I act.  My typical wardrobe is a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, but as I have come to figure out that liking menswear wasn’t a bad thing, I have added more a few more men’s or more accurately boy’s pieces to my plastic set of drawers.  This goes along with my getting my hair cut short (not being brave enough to get a super short butch cut I got a short cut in a woman’s style) and buying wife beaters and boxers for the first time.  Lucky for me I am friends with a lesbian couple who helped me with my clothing choices.

     I love the way I feel in the apparel.  When I tried a tie on for the first time I felt powerful and slightly asphyxiated (also a bit clunky, my body type requires a skinnier tie).   I’d like to dress more masculine and cut my hair real short, but I admit I’m too scared to do so.  As I dress and look now I am perceived as slightly andro, yet still straight.  Even though subconsciously they have an inkling.  Since I’ve cut my hair men see me as their genderless buddy and the women talk about lesbians and bisexuality a lot more when I’m in their company.  Interesting. 

     When I was in second grade, a friend told me I’d wear a tuxedo to my wedding if I could.  For years I denied that, but as I grow the thought becomes more and more appealing.

     (This doesn’t stop my relatives from buying me gifts to “help me get back on track”.  A Southern Belle Aunt of mine bought me a purse, which I wasn’t excited about until I found twenty bucks inside.  When I joined a sorority this same aunt was so ecstatic she sent me a bunch of sorority apparel, even though it wasn’t her sorority.  And my mother who didn’t care about my tomboy phase until I didn’t grow out of it in college got me expensive makeup knowing I never use makeup, and I about cried over the uselessness of the gift.  Two Christmases later I got a screwdriver from her and was infinitely happier.)

QBP: "It's a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy."  -Lucille Ball

The quite wonderful Rachel Maddow