Blast from the Past: A flash of blue

  December 03, 2008

     I tried cutting you out and it was hard.  But you made me love you, because I'm obsessed.  And you treat me so very differently than I treat you.  You're selfish.  I put my heart on my sleeve with you, so exposed and you ignore and bash it back in.  I don't know why I'm obsessed with you.  Your eyes maybe.  I know the shape of your body, the color of your hair, your jacket.  I know how you wear your hair.  Is this love?  I beg you to talk to me.  When I am hurt I call out for you and you turn me aside.  I check your Facebook profile many times a day.  I give you my best and my worst.  I look for you.  I know your friends and when they're around I look for you.  If I know the color of your shirt I look for it in the dining hall when we're sitting at different tables.  I do it covertly.  And I wish I was sitting with you at your table.  But this is wrong.  I need to fall out of love with you.  I know I have a strong will.  I just have to use it.  

      I will not love you anymore.  I am stronger than my mind.  I have proven it before.  I'll prove it yet again.

QBP: "As soon go kindle fire with snow, as seek to quench the fire of love with words." -William Shakespeare

Blast from the Past: Kissing you

Today is Friday.  Woo!  On Fridays I'm going to have a series, Blast from the Past, mainly so I don't have to write anything new.  However, it could be interesting tracing someone's first inklings of *gasp* the Gay *ungasp*.  Anyways here is the first installment written about M!

 October 02, 2008

     I think of kissing you.  How would I feel?  Would it just be the dull feeling?  Would it be an explosion of sexual energy?  You bitch about life and I think it's cute.  I love being alone with you.  I love making you laugh.  I want to spend all my time with you.  Am I in love with you?  But here you are with a fiancé.   Will your marriage be successful?  I can tell we wouldn't be good in a relationship, but still I can't keep from thinking what it would be like to kiss you.  I think about hugging you, your warmth.  I spend all this time wondering.  And I will forever wonder until I find another man.  Will I accept marriage like my father did only to lead to the unhappiness of my spouse?  For now I live in a limbo, not knowing.  You'll never know how I felt about you.  I love you.  You make me question who I am.

QBP: "I am the love that dare not speak its name." -Lord Alfred Douglas