Tuesday, February 8, 2011

How my roommate has made me a better woman, a better butch

     I am by in large untested in romantic long relationships.  I haven’t had a relationship last longer than three months.  Granted they were all with men, and a reason for not staying with them longer was that physical intimacy with them grossed me out.  The closest thing I have had to a lengthy relationship is with my straight best friend and roommate, The GDB (as she would like to be known on here). 
     We’ve been friends since freshmen orientation at college, and joined the same sorority.  Yeah, I was in an honest to god sorority.  To say it was painful at times is an understatement.  Through it all though, I had The GDB: my best friend, sorority sister, and polar opposite. 
     I am driven, serious (though extremely snarky), type A, punctual, mature, masculine, and involved.  My roommate, The GDB, is more of a girly girl, and a free spirit.  She does life in her own time, and laughs things off easily.  An example, on a walk I am focused to getting to my destination.  The GDB stops for every stray cat, petting and chatting with them.  Do you guys remember that show The Odd Couple?  Well I don’t really but I do know it’s about two men who occupy the same apartment and are complete opposites.  My roommate and I make the Odd Couple look like loving identical twins.  That isn’t to say I don’t care for my roommate cause I do, but we are so very different. 
     Where I am the brains, she is the heart.  When new people first meet us, they instantly fall in love with her.  They’re more hesitant with me.  I’m friendly, but I’m also withdrawn and stoic with new people.  I gain them over with snarky brand of humor and then with enough time my unwavering loyalty and kindness.   She laughs with ease.  She’s vastly inappropriate.  The list of our differences goes on and on. 
     And yet, we work together real well.  Typically with people I feel like I have to be polite, so much that it's a real fault.  I’d rather internalize my pain than to inflict it on others.  I feel guilty about confronting people and when I don’t I get passive aggressive and angry.  With The GDB, I feel no worries about confronting her.  I can say straight to her face how I feel about the trash piling up, or keeping me awake with her drunken gaming.  And I don’t have to worry about her getting defensive.  I don’t keep nearly as much inside, and I have learned how to stand up for myself and my feelings.
     As for being a better butch, The GDB has not only encouraged my forays into butch, but has gone clothes shopping with me, taken me to get my haircut short, and learned real quickly to call me “handsome” and not “pretty”.  She lets me take over the masculine roles like the heavy lifting or opening jars.   And despite the fact that I don’t own a car, and she does and has to drive me places, she still doesn’t take away my “man” card.
     If my life were a lesbian romantic comedy, then I’m sure me and my roommate would be shacking up.  My lesbian friends SL and W  joke that we’re like an old married couple, bickering and all.  Truth be told we’re very much like an old married couple, including the part where we don’t have sex.  For many reasons such as my roommate is straight and that I’m not interested in her like that.  You know, little things like that.  :-)

QBP: “I don't need to pay a therapist to give me crap. I have a roommate that does it for free."  -Ally McBeal 

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