Non-lesbian is not a lesbian (and she wants everyone to know )

     Previously I went out on a date with a girl, A, who claims not to be a lesbian.  Since then we’ve hung out a couple times, and went for a few walks.  This week she asked me if I wanted to hang out, and I agreed.  We went to this pub we’ve been to a couple times.  What followed is the most awkward friend date I’ve ever been on. 

     First of all she couldn’t help but say very often, about how she hates men.  (Now I personally like men; I just don’t want to sleep with them.)  She went on to say how various members of her family think she’s a lesbian, including her grandmother.  To add to this, she told me about this women's studies course she took in college.  Even I haven’t taken a women’s studies course!  (Update: When a mutual gay friend of ours asked why Tegan and Sarah were so popular in lesbian circles, non-lesbian, A, was very quick to say "they're lesbians!"...I just can't figure her out.)

     The most awkward moment was when she said if she was a lesbian she would want someone who wasn’t interested in feminine things.  Then she added she guessed that’s why she likes men.  I point out there are women who aren’t interested in feminine things (like myself as she very well knows) and then, a pregnant pause.  I felt bad for some reason and quickly changed the subject.

     To add to the confusion of the night she kept on emphasizing this date she went on with her very male ex and how the kiss they had at the end of the night was just so amazing.  But that going on a date with an ex was a “bad plan”.  Also she implied she’s never had sex, because she’s waiting for marriage.  Well I’ve never had sex either, but I’m waiting for women.

     She befuddles me.  Being gay is confusing sometimes.

QBP: “I’m not gay!” -Naomi  Skins

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No, you're not gay...

Non-lesbian date

     Okay.  Last Sunday I met this girl at church.  She was new and easy to talk to.  Her name, A.  Actually I still don't know her last name, so she is "A from Church" in my head...and on my phone.  We talked for a bit and then two of my church friends came over and invited her to lunch with us.  I admired A's bravery at coming to lunch with people she just met that morning.  I was waiting for her to talk about her boyfriend or start yammering about men.  But all she said is that she was single, even embraced her singlehood.  I didn't think she was gay, but at the very least more interesting than most people I meet.  During lunch I did my best to make things easier for her by joking around.  I guess she took to me more than the others.

     I get a text from "A from Church" (I had her number so that she didn't get lost on her way to the restaurant we ate at for lunch), which told me she had a lot of fun at the lunch and would I like to go see a movie with her.  Not once did she mention anyone else coming, just me.  This struck me as unusual, but sure why not?  After the movie, she asked if I wanted to get coffee with her.  I was totally flummoxed at this point.  As we walked to the coffee shop I couldn't help but feel like it was a date.  A movie and then idle chatter over coffee?  Better than some dates I've been on!  This and the eye contact.  She was all about the eye contact and laughing at my jokes.  I'm funny but not that funny.  Plus when I mentioned my college and she name drops a gay friend of mine who also went there and that she's friends with him.  To what purpose I wondered.  To tell me she's okay with the gay thing, or just trying to connect?

     So I'm still trying to figure this all out as we're walking back to her car.  She's chatting about how her parents were pressuring her to marry.  She said at one point they thought she was a lesbian.  A beat, a pause as her statement hung in the air.  But then "I'm not".  I laugh and talk about my last break up with my boyfriend (who was the one who finally helped me realize I was gay).  Can't lie; I was a little disappointed.  But can you blame me for at least thinking she was interested?  I mean she is interested in me, but in a friendship capacity only. 

     Hence non-lesbian date.  She gave me a ride back to my place, and I left her with promises of info on my Sunday church group.  Oh and she gave me her business card.  Last name, woo!  I mean she could still bat for the softballers.  She is the child of a conservative Baptist pastor, so she could be lying to herself.  Or maybe she really does like being single.  Whatever.  Either way I've made a new friend.

QBP: "Curiosity about life in all of its aspects is still the secret of great, creative people." -Leo Burnett

This post's picture is me in Halloween drag.  Two points which can be redeemed later for praise and flattery for guessing what I am.