Thursday, December 16, 2010

Decisions and DADT in December

     The long awaited decision of whether or not I got into medical school has “not yet been made”.  That means all the stress I endured this week was for naught.  It’s infuriating.  I can’t make a decision about my future if I don’t have an answer on med school.  If I get in, wonderful, I’ll live out my dream and become a doctor.  If I don’t get it (or possibly even if I get waitlisted) I’ll give myself a strict time limit for brooding and then get ready to enlist. 
     The good news is that DADT, the stand-alone bill edition, passed the House yesterday.   Now on to the trickier Senate.  Let’s say I’ll be super enthused if it does pass the Senate.  If I end up enlisting and DADT gets repealed, it’s not as if I’m going to broadcast my sexual orientation to the masses.  I’m still a very private person, but at least I won’t have the fear that if someone were to find out, that I’d be kicked out. 
     Perhaps a repeal will actually help grant me the courage to tell my church friends I’m gay.  Cause at this point it’s ridiculous.  It’s gotten to the point where it’s almost a betrayal not to tell them.  I’ll talk about this soon, but I had a party a few weeks ago.  I invited my lesbian friends W and SL, my church friends, and Non-Lesbian, A.  No surprise, drinking brought out a very interesting side to Non-Lesbian. 
     Anyways, my church friends noticed how A was acting towards me, and asked if I had told her I wasn’t a lesbian.  Perfect opportunity right?  Well the words caught in my throat.  All I said was, “I told her about breaking up with my last boyfriend.”  To which one of my friends said, “You could be a lesbian and still have an ex-boyfriend.”  To which I said nothing.  The subject was changed and the topic not revisited. 
     In other news, I’m headed “home” for the holidays.  I haven’t seen my family in about a year.  But everyone, except my mother, knows about my sexual leanings.  It’s easy to do so when your brother comes out as gay and your own father is bi.  My mother is kept in the dark, frankly because we don’t get along and it’s none of her business. 
     So that’s me for now.  Pissed about not having a decision yet about med school; befuddled by Non-lesbian; frustrated by my inability to say two simple words (I’m gay), and anxious about being with my family for the holidays.

QBP: “Army values are taught to soldiers from their earliest days in the Army.  Those values are: Loyalty, duty, mutual respect, selfless service, honor, integrity and personal courage. We teach our soldiers that these are the values we expect them to live up to. I believe that as an institution, our military needs to live up to the values we demand of the service members. Military leaders need to respect all service members. We need to recognize that loyalty and selfless service are exhibited equally, by service members of every color, gender and sexual orientation.” -Three-star Retired Lieutenant General Claudia Kennedy

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