PUBLISHED!

I finally published my book!

It is funny and kinda awesome, so you should check it out.

Chucking Granny

The roadblock in even applying for HPSP

     I met with the Army recruiter and he's on the mission of attempting to get me that GPA waiver.  In order for him to get it I had to give him my transcripts, my acceptance letters, and the GPA page of my AMCAS application.  He told me that usually we hear between one and two weeks after the request is submitted, but with the holidays coming up who knows when I'll actually get an answer.
     I really want to do the Health Professions Scholarship Program with the Army, but I may have to simply try again next year.  Guess we shall see.

Amazing news!

I GOT INTO MEDICAL SCHOOL!!!!

It's been a journey to be sure.  This is my third time applying to medical school.  But I was/am determined.  I boosted my MCAT score with a Kaplan course, I had my graduate school courses to boost my overall GPA, and I've worked as an EMT for the past two years.  I had a good feeling about this cycle and I was right!  I got (as of today) five medical school interviews.  I interviewed at four schools, two M.D., two D.O., and got accepted into TWO!  The other two I still have yet to hear from so I may have even more choices!

With my acceptances in hand I started talking to the Army medical recruiter in my area.  Since my undergrad GPA is below their minimum (3.2), they have to file a GPA waiver for me to apply for the Health Professions Scholarship Program.  I have an appointment next week to chat and hand over my transcripts, and MCAT scores so my recruiter can get started.

I'll keep you apprised of the situation as it goes.

Last note.  A lot of medical schools seem to want to keep anything relating to their possbily homosexual students under wraps.  I never said I was gay.  They didn't ask or assume.  Don't Ask, Don't Tell, is alive and well in our professional schools.  However one of the medical schools actually brought the issue up in the interview.  The interviewer was gay and I acknowledged that I was as well.  They went on to tell me how the school is making slow and steady progress in celebrating its diversity (of ALL senses).  It was comforting to know that I can exist as a gay person and not just as someone who is asexual until further investigation.

(Nearly) all schools will say they embrace diversity, but it seems at least in the South and midwest, that few actually stand by those words.

Anyways...I am amazingly excited to finally move forward in making my dream of becoming a doctor come true!


Thank you all for reading and supporting this blog!

Writing a Book!

     One of the reasons why I haven't been as caring to this blog, other than studying for the MCAT (which I did awesomely on), or applying to medical school for a third time, or my EMT job, or tending to my lack of love life (ok fine, I'm terminally single), is the fact that I am writing a book.
     This monstrosity is nearly finished and I am all set to publish it as an ebook on at least Amazon, though I'm looking into other formats.
     Now before you guys groan about another boring book being brought into existence, know this.  It's not some weird fantasy or sci fi where young adults overcome adversity and evil people/corporation/government.  I enjoy some of those stories, but I'm following one of the various "rules" of writing.  I am writing what I know, and lately what I know is being an EMT.
      I'm pairing my EMT job with my ability to read people and applying a great deal of sarcasm, wit, and snarkiness.  It's a semi-non-fiction story in which I describe the hundred different partners I have had as an EMT working for my crappy company.
      I'm going to be publishing it under this pseudonym (I can't have my coworkers tying me to my sometimes unkind words) and I already have a blog which is going to be all about the book saved.  I expect to be published hopefully by September, so keep an eye on this blog and the other for details.
     I'm not saying it's going to be the great American novel or even a good book, but hopefully I will succeed in at least making it an interesting read.

    The link to my book blog, Chucking Granny, is here.  Maybe pretty sparse for a bit, but I'll be working on that soon (in addition to all my above activities).

So it's been quite a while hasn't it?

Hey guys!

     I just wanted to say that I'm still around, though it's been a long time since I've even looked at this blog.  The blame falls primarily on my EMT job.  Crazy hours, little money, which leads to more crazy hours.  I am applying to med school for the third time.  I take the MCAT (for the third time) next week and once that's done I hope to come back to this.  I won't make any promises, but I have missed writing and the world of blogging.  

So hopefully I'll see you guys sometime next next week!

-E.S.T.

Three months later...

Two things have got in the way of my blogging.  First my job as an EMT, and second I bought an XBox...I'm sorry?  Um...I'll try to write more and XBox less.  But we'll see.  I'm also starting an online MCAT class, so I may or may not write more.  


Hope everyone is doing well!  

So I Came Out

I have mentioned previously that I might and then on National Coming Out Day...I did! I came over via Facebook and the response was overwhelmingly positive. My conservative friends were dead silent of course, well except for one. All she did was like my coming out note, but as she is a staunch Republican I will take that as a personal victory.


I thought I would show you all what I said. Eventually I even allow for more transparency on this site. Like an actual picture of me! Maybe. We'll see. ;-)


Here is what I wrote:

"What is bravery? I have been told I was brave before, that I was one of the bravest individuals people have ever met. But I’m not, not really. All I’ve done is put one foot in front of the other in a desperate attempt to move forward and not get stuck. I have stumbled through life like everyone else. It is no big secret that I have not followed my five year plan or even my back up five year plan. Perhaps it is a secret though that I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life. All because I stopped listening to what others wanted for me, expected of me.

Now that I’ve written that nice intro paragraph (and professors said I didn’t write transitions!) let’s get into it. If you, like me, are a Facebook stalker then you have keep tabs on the people you went to school with. You want to know who’s married, who’s in grad school, who’s working where, and who’s having babies. So perhaps if you have stumbled on my profile in the past couple of years, you have noticed a visual change in your old schoolmate.

I have never been really girly, but you certainly can tell a difference between the pictures of me on Homecoming Court (I know! I’m still shocked about it!) and pictures of late. I cut my long hair short, really short, and I have started wearing slightly different apparel. I look well…perhaps a bit gay. Of course that is easily explained, in that I am a lot of gay. It’s probably not a huge shock for the people who knew me better than I knew myself, but maybe for some of you it is a shock.

I’m sure some of you are going, “Ha! I knew it!” Well I guess I would say congratulations. You win? Also I’d ask for how long have you’ve known? Because I didn’t know for the longest time and if someone might have told me I might have figured it out sooner. As it is I didn’t even entertain the thought that I was something other than straight until my senior year of college. Even still I was in such a state of denial that it was easy to rationalize various feelings. As many of you know I am a logic driven person, so it wasn’t too hard to explain away the confusing feelings.

Being gay wasn’t anything I wanted for myself. What I wanted was to go to medical school, marry my best friend, and have his silly little babies. I rather desperately wanted to feel more for my best friend than I did, but time and time again I infuriatingly didn’t. I loved him. I did, but I wasn’t in love with him. There came a point where I couldn’t lie to myself anymore. I didn’t want it, but I wasn’t going to be given a choice in the matter it seemed.

After breaking things off with my best friend, now ex-best friend due my seemingly callous treatment of his feelings, I was alone with my thoughts. And let me tell you there were a lot of them. I considered what it would mean, to be gay. To be hated by people who don’t even know me. To be a second class citizen. To live in the constant fear of offending or provoking others, just for attempting to live as the person God made me.

The one thing I never worried about was whether or not God would still love me. It’s one of the reasons why even though I considered going away to ex-gay camp, I never went through with it. God is love, not hate. People can condemn me to hell all they want, but ultimately the decision isn’t theirs. I have always tried to live my life in a Christian manner. I try to be kind and help others. Does it make me less of a Christian if I’m gay?

Besides I may have been gay before I was a Christian, but I was Christian before I had even an inkling that I could be gay. Since God is important to me and since I can’t figure out a way to stop being gay, I have had to learn a way to reconcile the two. It actually has been a lot easier than I thought it would be, but then again I have a progressive thinking church here in Louisville to thank for that.

I have accepted being gay, but I’m still not fully comfortable with it. I will say I am much more comfortable in my skin now that I have changed certain visual aspects, namely my hair and wardrobe. However I was content to stay silent and live in those questioning looks, “Is she or isn’t she?” I saw openly gay folks all around me, but I didn’t think I had a right to be open. I have made a life of hiding and living in the background. It was alright. It is all I know.

But the pretending to be something I’m not got more and more draining. I became an actress who really couldn’t stand the role she played. So I came out little by little to friends. I should have been comforted by their acceptance, but often I became worried. Would they tell others? What would they say? What would happen? I was worried, because I was ashamed of who I am.

It wasn’t until someone very dear to me came out to me in secret, that I was forced to think about others. I didn’t want him to be ashamed of who he is. It is not his problem; it is the world’s. I didn’t want him to hate himself for something he couldn’t even help. Of course then if I thought this way about him, then I had to apply it to myself.

Now don’t expect any big changes from me. I’m still the same quiet, self-effacing, modest and wonderfully witty girl I’ve always been. I’m not going to strut down the sidewalk in a rainbow pin-stripe suit, because that’s just not who I am. I imagine I’ll simply do the same things I always do: hang out with friends, go to church, and save lives whether it is as an EMT or a doctor I guess we’ll see.

Because while I am gay I am so much more than that. As the poet Walt Whitman once wrote, “I am large, I contain multitudes.” I don’t want friends to look at me and go, “oh that’s the gay one”. Or “Whatever happened to her?” followed by “Oh she’s gay now.” I mean really? I understand gossip will happen. It’s inevitable. So gossip, but don’t forget I’m still the intelligent woman who helped you out when you were struggling, the stubborn girl who doesn’t give up, the woman who is always there to listen, heck I’ll even take the girl who sometimes lets her temper gets the best of her.

I don’t want to hide anymore. I want to be who I am and not apologize for it. I know I may lose friends, but I’ve come to a place where I don’t need to spend time on fair-weather friends. I may cause potential opportunities to be stripped from my hands, but it’s better than living a lie. I’ve seen firsthand the pain that living the lie causes. I don’t want that for myself. I want to be honest and open. I want to be brave. I have often wished I was as brave as you think I am. Maybe today I finally am."

QBP: "Bravery is believing in yourself, and that thing nobody can teach you."  -El Cordobes 

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